Sometimes I get really frustrated that my heart still isn't whole.
I believe in happily ever afters... just not my own.
I am impatient with the healing process that seems to creep up and find me when I don't really feel like being found.
But, as my mom reminded me today, "Don't discredit how far you have come!"
She has a point. (She always does!)
I have come a long ways! I have learned so much.
I am not perfect. My heart still has some pretty awesome walls
(like ones straight out of Captain Moroni's time).
I might not trust in everyone, but I have learned to trust in God.
And deeeeeep down, I do still believe in my fairytale.
I just need to give it time, be patient with myself, and focus on all that
I have improved.
As President Uchtdorf has said, "God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself. In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself."
As Cami and I frosted sugar cookies for valentines day (mmmm - they were GOOD), one of the big cookies broke as we tried to pick it up. I jokingly told her that it was surely my heart - the really fragile one. I took great care in frosting it back together and we joked about it as I did, but look how good it looks... (mind you, this cookie was in at least 3 crumbly pieces before a little help!)
Dang, it looks pretty good! (It even stayed together while I ate it!) :)
New goal: focus on those "small successes!"
4 comments:
Kourtney! Thanks for this post! I may have teared up a bit when I was reading it because it is exactly what I needed today. Thanks for being such a great example!
Koutney,
Hey I love your post. Heatache is a kind of pain that one thinks they can never recover from. It does take time, and the atonement. I didn't believe in my own fairytale either after my heart was broken and faith in others lost almost 4 years ago. Right now I am experiencing a better fairytale than I could have ever imagined. I still think I am going to wake up one day and its going to be taken from me or that it really is just to good to be too. Sometimes though the Lord takes something from our grasp to prepare ourselves for something better. Patience:)
Monica
Love your honesty! I still struggle with trusting others and puttin my whole heart into something or someone. Your amazing! I love your determination and diligence! You are going to suceed at so much!
Kourtney I love you! You know I know how you feel there. But I promise it's all worth it. You hear everyone say it and you get annoyed, but seriously. I woke up one day and had an epiphany. I saw it, I felt it. I was so grateful. We'll have to get together and chat more soon, k? :)
Post a Comment