There is a talk from this past general conference that has seriously been on my mind since I read it a few weeks ago. I don't even remember it from when I listened to conference the first time, but I seriously think it may have been written just for me!
We wait for test results/race results to post. All growing up my dad would say, "We are waiting for Kourtney." (Promptness is not my forte!) We wait in traffic. We have waiting rooms at doctors offices. We wait in lines when we shop (especially this time of year). Etc, etc!
Needless to say, we all are acquainted with waiting. After reading this talk though, I realized I really did not understand what waiting meant according to the scriptural term.
The scriptures speak of waiting upon the Lord time after time. But to wait in that sense means, "to hope, to anticipate, and to trust." It doesn't just mean to sit around and do nothing. "Waiting upon the Lord means pondering in our hearts and 'receiv[ing] the Holy Ghost' so that we can know 'all things what [we] should do'."
Then he states, "In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When He does answer, it is often 'here a little and there a little' because that is all that I can bear or all I am willing to do."
That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized a lesson I had never learned and I recognized a weakness of mine: I am terrible at waiting! Waiting upon the Lord never includes complaining; it requires hope. Waiting doesn't include dreading; it includes anticipation. It doesn't include skepticism; it includes trust. Welp, I find that when I am waiting, I typically just complain, dread and question all the things I am waiting for. I complain when I get stuck waiting in traffic. I dread finding out my test scores, and I struggle to believe something will turn out.
No wonder figuring out what is next is so difficult. I am doing it all wrong. For instance, I have enjoyed learning about the different areas of interest within my program. One area in particular interested me from day one: the NICU. I decided that day that I wanted to end up being a SLP in the NICU. As the time drew closer to decide on an externship, I looked up tons of pediatric hospitals and fell in love with Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake. That was it! I researched everything. I found apartments online. I looked up the institute. I looked forward to Utah and all it had to offer! I prayed about it, waited (or thought I was waiting), and got nothin! No answer. Then, life happened. I got busy, didn't have time to focus on it, and some new pieces to my puzzle of life had me thinking maybe the NICU wasn't the area of interest, and Utah was not the place. A new plan started in my mind and I studied it out, weighed the pros and cons, and knew I needed to pray about this new plan instead. But I wasn't anticipating this new plan with any kind of hope or trust. Finally once I humbled myself enough to ask, my direction has become much more clear.
Lessons Learned:
1. When praying about Utah, I forgot one little (ok, major) thing... "Thy will be done."
2. I wasn't ready to hear what God's answer was when praying about Utah... so He didn't give me an answer but instead opened my eyes "here a little and there a little."
3. I wasn't truly waiting when I first asked about my new plan of moving back to the valley; therefore, I didn't know what to do until I asked, "waiting upon the Lord, Thy will be done."
I have learned that I really need to learn how to wait better. I am going to start with temporal things - being more patient with traffic, more trusting with others, and do less complaining in general.
The promise given in the scriptures states, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31). The promise given to those who wait are quite incredible! I guess you could say, they are "worth the wait!"
